Reparation
by s82
Summary: BBC Robin Hood story. After such harsh words, how does one repair the damage?


_Author Notes_: New fandom alert! I fell into the BBC's Robin Hood series thanks to a friend and plot bunnies instantly began. Here's one of those bunnies.

_Title_: Reparation

_Rating_: G

_Pairing_: Robin/Much – friendship

_Author_: Susie82

_Spoilers_: Entire season, focus on episode 13. Just a little damage control after episode 13 in regards to that scene with Robin and Much as they overlooked Locksley.

_Disclaimer_: If you recognize it, I don't own it.

………

_Maybe there's a God above, and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you._

- Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright

………

The day had been saved.

At least, for the most part it had been.

Marian remained unwed and her father was alive and any traitorous thoughts about him were left unproven.

The Sheriff's plan had fallen through and he, if things were _really_ good, remained hanging from Nottingham Castle's ceiling.

No doubt, Guy was in quite a state, which always made Robin's day better. It helped that, in the end, there was no one was Guy could blame but himself and his lies for the outcome between he and Marian.

Yet, even with all the victories, things would continue as they always had. The day would fad into night and tomorrow, when the sun rose, life would be as it had been for the last months. The Sheriff would still rule the land, Guy would still seek the Outlaws' blood, Marian would still need to lead a double life and Robin would still live in the Forest. In the end, very little had changed.

For the most part…

In a day filled with high tensions and rough emotions, perhaps the most damaging thing done had occurred between two friends while overlooking peaceful Locksley village. In that moment, something between Robin and Much had been drastically altered, leaving behind open wounds. Perhaps the only saving grace was the fact that conversation remained unknown to everyone else. Words thrown in haste and in hurt had been shoved deep inside while the events took place, but now, once back in the forest those damning words rung loudly enough in both their minds to feel like they had been shouted for all the world to hear.

"_You see, there is no smaller man, Much. You _are_ the smaller man."_

In the Outlaw's forest clearing, Robin sat on one edge of the clearing, while Much occupied the opposite end, keeping away from one another as well as the others in the group. If the Outlaws noticed anything odd about their friends' behavior, they said nothing, but instead laughed amongst themselves content with the outcome of the day.

Yet, Robin and Much could not so easily feel the joy at the day's end. Instead there was a heavy fog of tension between them, almost suffocating in this strength. Harsh words echoed in remote glances they shared. Every once in a while, Robin would look up and catch Much's eye and in those single moments, Robin could see all the anger and pain that his carelessness had caused. He'd always quickly advert his eyes, unsure what emotions were reflected in his own orbs. Did they show the shame he felt at his words, the embarrassment or the pain he felt for being so cruel to one he deemed a brother?

Little John laying a particularly hard hit to the back of Alan pulled Robin from his thoughts. The smaller man crashed the to forest ground on all four, spraying leaves up all around him.

"Hey now!" He cried, looking up at John.

"That," the large man said pointing a finger at Alan, "was for earlier." And no one needed clarification of what 'earlier' John was referring to.

Alan rolled to sit on his backside and shrugged. "Fair enough," he half mumbled to himself. "Though no one pushed Will," he added even softer.

Robin watched as his men calmed and began to settle down for the night. _If only it were that easy_, Robin thought to himself as he watched Alan get to his feet and walk over to John, sitting next to the big man in silence. No more words would pass between the two regarding Alan and Will's abandonment; amends had made the only way that they knew how.

Looking over at Much, who was staring off into the woods, Robin knew _his_ words were not so easy to sweep away.

"_You're like a pox on my skin."_

Robin closed his eyes and ground the heel of his hand into his sockets. He hadn't truly meant those words. He had been at his wits-end - Edward wanted him to be strong – to do the _right thing­_, Marian wanted him to either leave her in peace or carrying her off to the woods (which one he had no idea depending on the moment) and Much had been the breaking point. Exhausted from being pulled in so many directions, Robin had spoke without thought and it was not till Much physically shoved him in anger, that Robin realized what he had said.

"You speak every facile thought that comes into your head." 

Shaking his head, Robin wondered at the audacity he had in reprimanding Much's desire for a home and a life. Dear Much who had spent all his life following Robin, finally saw _his_ moment to taste freedom and Robin had taken that moment, chewed it and spit it back at his friend. Robin had hurt the only person that he knew he could because _he_ was hurting so terribly. He had needed someone to feel just an ounce of his pain and Much, ever present and faithful Much, had been that person.

And it had been _so_ easy.

The archer mentally swore. He was a fool – _that_ was obvious. Much, in the end, had been the one to save them all. Much had been the one to see the King for who he was, he had been the one to sway Marian, he had been the one to help Robin. He had been the one to _save_ Robin.

_Once again._

Robin stood instantly and, without hesitation walked and sat down deliberately next to Much. His one-time servant looked at him for only a moment before jerking his head away. Pride was strong in Locksley and even those who had once served were no different than those who once ruled.

"I _am_ sorry," Robin began wondering how many times in the past he had said those words to his friend. He knew the number was high; from the swatches that Much took on his behalf, to the hurtful and rude things Robin said, Much's life had been spent taking hits from Robin only to have the archer come back with an apology.

"I know," Much said in response, his voice dead. And in that moment, Robin knew that 'I'm sorry' would no longer be enough.

Silence fell awkwardly between the two. Much picked up a small twig and began to trace random patterns in the soft earth while Robin watched, mesmerized. Memories suddenly flooded Robin's senses, and without thought to his words, he began to speak.

"I was a lonely child," Robin said in a soft voice so only Much could hear. The older man looked at his one-time Master skeptically wondering what he was going on about, but Robin paid the look no heed and continued.

"When I was five, my mother thought it was best that I begin to mingle with the other children in the village. She longed for me to have companionship and to be like others." Robin raised his head slightly to look at the tree line. "But, I wasn't like the other children. I was the Earl's son. I was their future leader."

The younger man sighed. "I was no more a child or playmate in their eyes then I was in the adults'. The children would not play around me, but merely sat asking what _I _wished to do. It was," he paused for a moment and looked vacantly ahead, remembering. "It was painfully awkward, I would say. They did not know how to behave around me. They had always been taught I was their Master and it did not matter that I hardly knew what that meant. And so, I left them. My mother's wish remained unfulfilled, and instead of spending time with friends, I spent them on the outskirts of the forest."

Robin shrugged, almost self-consciously. "It wasn't terrible, but as I passed afternoons with a book or my bow, I could listened to the other children laughing and playing amongst themselves. I resigned myself to the fact that I would never be like them and never share in such companionship. Little did I know that I was wrong about that."

"Lady Marian," Much half asked, half stated, knowing that Marian had come into Robin's life before himself. Robin nodded at Much's words.

"Yes, there was Marian," a smile that he could not stop crossed Robin's face and for a moment Much knew he was picturing their kiss just hours earlier. But, the look faded and the archer re-focused himself. "There was Marian," he repeated. "But, we were too young to be good company. She _was_ a lady, after all, and it would take years before she would learn how to escape the confines of such a trap." Robin chuckled, clearly remembering the first time Marian undoubtedly did something very _un­-_ladylike"No, she was not who I was referring to."

Here Robin looked at Much. "I was referring to _you_," he said with a smile playing at his lips. "I remember your coming with my father. Imagine my surprise when he left for market only to come back with a boy I had never seen. He simply picked you off our cart and told you to look after me." Robin laughed lightly. "I do not think I have ever seen someone look so terrified as you did in that moment. It was as if the weight of the world had been placed on your shoulders."

Though Much did not share in Robin's laughter, he did allow himself to remember the time Robin spoke of. His mother had passed away only a month prior and, during that time, he had taken to poverty and the streets. But as a nine year old, neither fit him well. He was half-starved and frozen when Robin's father had found him and, without a word, taken him to his village.

"And yet," the archer continued, displacing Much from his memories. "You nodded to my father and then turned to stare directly at me and in that moment I _knew_. I knew that you were not like the other children. You did not look at me in awe or in concern; you merely looked at _me_. And even with the Master-this and Master-that, I knew you would treat me as a friend. And you did.

"I do not know if you ever realized how much that meant to me. How much it meant having someone who I could confide in and run with and tackle into ponds," here Much did chuckled, the first positive response that Robin had received since he came to sit by him. "I do not know if you ever understood how much you saved me."

Much shook his head, "We were children, you did not need saving."

The archer shrugged. "Perhaps," he admitted. "But if I hadn't needed it then, in the years that followed I did. When my mother died and my father fell ill, you were there as a friend. When Marian would not accept me, you were my friend. When I left behind my home and life to aid the King, you, my friend, were there. When I needed saving on that very crusade, you were there. And today, when I needed saving more than ever, you were here. You have been here even when I thought the last thing that I needed was your presence.

"And yet," Robin said with a regretful sigh. "I have not been there for you. I have been nothing but cruel and unkind for as long as I can remember. I have not repaid you for all that you have done for me in anything resembling kindness. You helped my out of my loneliness and helped me find myself, but I have not done the same for you. I have merely taken from you and now I fear, I may have taken too much."

Robin picked up a loose stick from the ground. "I was just so … _angry,"_ he said and snapped the twig in his hands. Much knew instantly that talk of the past was gone and the present had come to them once more.

"Edward seeking me to 'do the right thing' even if it meant leaving behind the only _right_ thing in my life. Gisbourne stealing my very life out from under my feet and me being powerless to stop it. And Marian," Robin shook his head. "Marian had _died_ and even once she had come back to life, she was still out of my reach. It was all too much," the young man's voice dropped to just above a whisper. "I needed someone to _feel_ as I did. To _hurt _as I hurt. And if no one would feel or hurt like I did then I would _make_ them. So, I threw terrible words at you in hopes you might feel as broken as I did."

Robin dropped the shattered pieces of the twig to the ground. They spread before his feet as a reminder of the branch that once was, now broken so easily. "What I did was unforgivable and there is no good explanation I can offer, but I have given you what I can. I _am_ sorry for my words but I do not ask for forgiveness or understanding – I do not deserve either. All I wish is for you to one day comprehend how truly _sorry_ I am for the pain I have caused you."

At that, Robin stood and began to walk back to where he had originally sat. Just before he reached his spot, Much spoke.

"Without you I am no one," he said quietly. "I have followed you since the first moment I saw you and no matter what I will continue to follow." The sentiment did not give Robin a sense of comfort. In truth, it caused him to shiver slightly with the knowledge of the power his very existence held over his friend. Suddenly Robin realized that if he had never said a word to Much it would not have mattered; Much would have stood beside his Master until death torn them asunder.

The thought and reality made Robin spur into action once more and he quickly cleared the distance between he and Much, falling on his knees in the soft earth before his friend.

"I never wanted you to follow because you felt you had to," he began earnestly. "I have never sought to have that bind over you." Shaking his head in frustration, Robin balled his fists. "But I have it regardless." Blue eyes rose to meet Much's darker ones. If Much was taken aback by the unshed tears in Robin's orbs, he did not show it. "I sought to release you from your duties when we returned home, but I now see that I erred in properly doing so and continued to treat you as a _lesser_ person and not as the friend and _brother_ that you truly are.

"I have taken away your chance at a new life, at a new _home_, for my own quest and then have proceeded to abuse you." Robin let a humorless smile cross his lips. "I am a fool," he admonished and then rose quickly to his feet, the need to retreat suddenly overpowering. "I do not deserve your dedication," he whispered and then quickly turned on heel attempting to get as far away from Much and the realities that had just been acknowledged.

Robin had just reached the edge of the clearing when Much's voice came to him again. "You are my home," the man said while turning his head to look at Robin's retreating form. The archer stopped and Much watched his back straighten.

Robin slowly turned to look Much in the eyes. "I do not know what I would do with out you," the younger man admitted, his voice faltering.

"I know," Much said. And the one-time servant truly did. Robin was nothing if not flawed and, though Much had watched his Master grow from a young boy into a commanding solider and now into a adult, he knew that Robin was far from becoming the man he was meant to be. Much also knew that he was one of the few people who loved Robin enough to take the hardships of Robin finding his path. In the end, the man Robin would become would outshine any flaws that he possessed and it was only a matter of time before this growth happened. Some small part of Much realized that today Robin seemed to take one of the larger steps.

And because Much also loved Robin enough, he was able to say: "I forgive you," and truly mean it. He watched as Robin's face soften and years seemed to melt away. And, for Robin, with those words, he felt as if felt a part of his soul had healed itself.

The two friends stared at one another both knowing that they were not perfect. Even with forgiveness given and mistakes attested to, they both knew all was not instantly well between them. The journey before them would test their friendship continually, yet under the protective branches of the Sherwood trees, with so much in the open, both suddenly knew that though imperfect, their love was stronger than they both had thought.

And, in the end, that would be enough.

End.


End file.
